Slipping

My current life is slowly, slowly slipping right between my fingers. Today I got a new job. Your first reaction is to say "Congrats!" but all I feel, in this very moment, right NOW, is sadness. Am I thankful? Of course! I'm not ignorant. But at this moment in my life my inner baby is saying, "But I didn't want a new job. I love my job NOW." But I'm not in the NOW anymore, so my inner baby needs to pull up her boot straps and move on. I know that. But it doesn't really make it any easier. Losing my job has been one of the most, if not the hardest part of this whole New Mexico adventure. Surprise Elementary has been my life for my entire career. I have become the teacher I am today and the leader I am today because of the time spent and people met at that school. They are my people and I don't really want new people. If anyone is a teacher you know that it is your whole life. You bring work home and it's almost as if it never truly ends at the bell or even the last day of school. It is your career and hobby and therefore the people become your friends and family. You barely have time for anything else. I associate who I am with my school and the idea of leaving is truly heartbreaking. And the fact I can talk this way about my school makes me feel so lucky. I'm also so sad to lose my position. My new position this year was made for me and I enjoyed it so much...and now it's gone. I head back to the classroom to teach 4th graders. And I'm thankful...thankful for 4th graders because I know I can do 4th grade. Again, I'm not ignorant...thankful. I went to New Mexico this weekend so that I could interview today for the job. I stayed in my new house with Jason and it was sad for me too as my inner baby whined, "But I love my house NOW, I don't want a new house." I am slowly seeing my life change and it's happening so slow that I have to feel it in it's isolation as I go. Maybe that's good...I don't know. I sometimes wish it had been more of a "rip off the bandaid" type deal but it was important to me to finish mine and Aiden's school year so you take the good with the bad. So I need to leave the NOW behind and look to UP AHEAD and find excitement where I can. It will come...I just need time. I'm thankful my husband has a great job, I'm thankful we aren't too far from home, I'm thankful for a job and one that is on base with a grade that I love, I'm thankful for a nice house on base, and I'm thankful for a beautiful family that will be together soon in a new home. Home is where your family is. I know this, therefore I know the sadness will fade. But in the meantime, I will have to feel this sadness as I finish out this school year and continue to say goodbye to the things that I know NOW.